Sefira Yuckapella

This is an interesting sort of rant. I'm complaining, but I know things won't change. I don't expect the situation to get any better than it is right now. That said, I can freely complain without annoying "but what do you expect"-like comments.

I introduce this topic with a simple etymology lesson on the roots of the word A Capella. My dictionary underlined it, but I can assure you that it is indeed a real word. I was surprised and a little gloaty to learn that it has Italian (smirk) origins and means "in the manner of the chapel", and is referenced to older church music which was written for unaccompanied voices. This was in the pre-1600s era. Today, it bears a whole new meaning. Basically, any song without musical instruments gets the title 'A Capella'. A simple track of coughing individuals warrants the title, too.

There are two popular versions of Jewish A Capella music:

Probably the most common form, boy bands have a field day combining mixes of chest-beating, nasal cacophony, oral emissions (to put it politely), odd lyrics and artificially synthesized sounds to produce what we know as "sefirah music". Don't get fooled by the second word. I wonder how it works there. Say someone opens and soda can which makes a huge pop - do the guys record that for their song? Again, do not take that last word seriously. It's amazing what they can put together with a motley assortment of noises. Even more amazing is that we pay $15.99 for it.

This next variety is enjoyed only by people over 80. I assume you have to be old to appreciate it because so far I have never found a decent album in this genre that I tolerated (we're not even mentioning enjoyment). What falls into this category, you wonder? This consists of albums featuring older men with high self-esteem and low self-consciousness. These are important characteristics because regular individuals wouldn't attempt to actually sell this stuff. These are tracks and tracks of disorganized singing (MG claims they are recorded at the Rebbe's tish) coupled with frequent bouts of coughing and sneezing. Apparently, these albums are not mixed and produced in studios.

I can't write this rant without giving tribute to my favorite A Capella band. Not only do they defy reality by making music that sounds fabulous, they pick hit songs to feature on their albums. Whereas most groups focus on the ever-traditional, non-aging "Hamalach Hagoel" and "Mi Bon Siach", they choose to do songs like Lipa's "Hentelach" and The Chevra's "Lecha". Drumroll... A.K.A. Pella!!! If you don't believe me when I say that sefirah music can actually be good, try it out here:

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