Reeky Restrooms

Ye, ye, I know most of us don't sit too well with bathroom humor (pun unintended). But I'm not focusing on the humorous aspects; instead I'll be exposing the pathetic reality of public bathrooms.

I'm at the restaurant when nature calls. I climb down the soggy-aired, stink-filled stairwell to the depths down below. A half open door with a "WOMEN" sign seems to be the source of the odor. Using my right leg, I kick it fully open. After keeling over, I wade through the swampy floor and choose the stall with the cleanest looking door. Looks can be deceiving alright.

I squish myself into the narrow passageway which is supposed to fit an average human. Look, thankfully I'm not horizontally challenged, but I'm still finding it impossible to wedge myself in without touching the toilet seat. The mechanism which once served as a lock is rusty and eroded. Needless to say, there is no hook to hang my handbag so I'm gonna have to wear it. And what do I do with my cellphone (which doesn't fit into my purse)? I jab it into my mouth and hope nobody asks me to speak. {GASP!} I made the mistake of looking at the floor! It's a mini-landfill, littered with scraps of toilet paper, stray hair, paper towel shreds, and other assorted pools of unmentionables. The people who wear flip-flops, what do they do? The women who clean this place must wear boots and at least a bio-hazard wet suit.

Should I do what the survivors before me did? Just close my eyes (I don't know if that's such a wise idea, but who cares anyway?) and deliberately mis-aim with the tissues and garbage can? I'm pretty good at Paper Toss (a cool iPod Touch app), and heaven forbid my toilet paper wads should actually land in the basket {shudder}. But I don't want to catch a rare third-world country disease from using these bathrooms! To use or not to use, that is the question.

I choose 'not to use'. I will just wait it out and hope there's no traffic on the bridge.

Never again will I possess sanity.

back to Compositions