On Exercise Revamping

I have plans to abolish the exercise routines of the twenty-first century. Just as technology, communications, relationships and food have all changed from primitive and clumsy to sophisticated and instant, why shouldn't exercise be given the same revamping? The reason for my sudden interest stems from the overwhelming superabundance of exercise and diet-related conversations that take place during every social event. It's not fair. If you're standing near a group that's discussing this vital topic, it's your obligation to contribute an idea of value, a weight-loss option you've tried. But, hey, not everyone wants to take on a heavy aerobic routine. But, it's true that we all do need to do our share of exercise. In that case, follow me as I outline my proposed alternatives for the common exercises of today. And, when you next find yourself among diet-discussants or exercise-expounders, you'll have what to add, believe me.

One idea central to my proposed exercise plan is simplicity. We won't be spending hundreds of dollars on exercise equipment, gym classes or fitness trainers. All activities can be performed by even the most amateur beginner, mostly in the comfort of your own home. Convinced? Here's the plan:

Every regimen requires jogging - once a day, twice, three times. My way doesn't require sneakers, or even feet for that matter. We will jog our brains. Goodness knows we do it enough times each day as we match email addresses to names or as we try to recall the endings of email addresses and websites (Was it @gmail or @yahoo? .com or .org?). No need to explain how brain-jogging works, you all know that already.

Next on the list is dancing. Many people feel self-conscious about their weight as it is, so why expose our girth to the multitudes? And the overweight who don't mind that - well that's a personal choice. My idea is to tap dance with the teeth. Before you book a dentist appointment, hear me out. Click your top and bottom rows of teeth together and listen to the sound it makes. Now tap out a beat to a song that you are mentally singing. What fun! And it's so easy and private, too!

The next item on our plan is to loose weight. Duh. But not by reducing food intake (a.k.a. starving). That's just awful. Instead, we will go to banks, groceries, haircutters and libraries to wait on line. After taking care of our business and leaving, we'll have lost the wait. Since you're already going to these places anyway, all you need to do is concentrate on all that adipose leaving your body. Simple and painless.

See how easy it is to integrate a full exercise routine into our regular lifestyles? So if you're diligent and do what I suggested, you'll be fit and thin at your next gathering - and have what to say!

back to Compositions