Attitude

People are always giving me attitude. Many different types of it. For the reader's convenience and education, I have compiled the deadliest varieties and formats in which attitude can be presented:

Scat If You're Shluchy - Their discerning, condescending eyes head straight down to your shoes for assessment. Are those Jimmy Choo boots, or knockoff UGG's? After a silent, calculating gaze upward, they've got your entire dressing style assessed. All you can do is quietly look at the floor until they hand you the official 'stay or scat' bill of approval or disproval. How mortifying if you actually subscribe to the 'shluchism' way of life.

Hark the Hamaspiks - You go to a wedding and scan the hall for the table seating your classmates. Just one chair is available, and you think 'YES! I made it in time for the Erasered Chicken course!". Joking, you're really happy to have found a chair. Suddenly you realize that the people around you consist of only one particular genre - Hamaspiks, people who act Hamaspiky (either because they work there, or because they've gotten too deeply influenced from their friends who work there). They finally notice you (probably because they wanted to see what variety of Erasered Chicken you got served) and give you a teeny once-over. After that, they are back to discussing reshab, special children, agencies and group homes. Their preferred method of attitude is simply done by subjecting you to their Hamaspikese language which you don't understand. You need to be in to get in.

BA is BO - This type of attitude is reserved for the close-minded Rebbetzins among us. If you are in college or have gone to one, you are BAD news. For those of you who are thinking what the BO part means - technically it means 'body odor' but since I want to be polite, I'll stick with 'back off'. They'll give you this disdainful 'holier than thou' look as if to convey "soooooo goyish!" They make you nervous! We are thrilled that you are so kadosh and that you're a real mevakeish but some people do school! Get that!

60+ year-old Drug Store Cashier Blondes - I can't think of any name for them (well, nothing other than "I loathe you!"). Believe it or not, their lethal attitude brought tears of frustratoin to my eyes on more than one occasion (not while I was in the store). It can happen at any time while you're waiting at the checkout counter in any pharmacy or convenience store (as long as it's a non-jewish store). Ms. Attitude will either tell you that your prescription isn't ready even though you called it in a week ago, your purchase requires some sort of ID which you don't carry, or that she is unauthorized to release xyz. It makes you really annoyed, especially when you know she's doing it just because! Do they feel good after releasing their energy in the form of attitude? What prompts them to behave like bratty 6 year olds?

If anyone felt slighted by anything written here... don't be! It's just a rant! Special thanks to TS for keeping me attuned to attitudinistic people!

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